Attention is a Compass

image of a compass with the universe in the background

As I walked out of my home a few weeks ago for my new-normal weekday routine, I was fixated on a thought: I hope I don’t run into a specific person. But then I thought to myself, why would this person be where I’m going?

The concern made no sense. We traveled in different circles. We had no reason to cross paths. She doesn’t even live near me. Yet there I was, mentally rehearsing an encounter that existed only in my imagination.

But minutes after leaving my house, I ran smack into that exact person. Nearly knocking heads.

I wish I could tell you I handled the interaction with perfect grace and composure. Instead, I mostly stood there wondering whether the universe had a sense of humor.

But the lesson was immediate.

For the rest of that day, I made a conscious effort to focus on what I wanted instead of what I didn't. Not the conversations I hoped to avoid, but the connections I hoped to make. Not the problems I feared encountering, but the opportunities I wanted to create. Not the outcomes I was trying to escape, but the ones I was trying to build.

The experience got me thinking about how often we focus our energy on what we don't want.

We don't want to fail. We don't want to get hurt. We don't want to embarrass ourselves. We don't want to lose a client, make a mistake, gain weight, age, be rejected, or have an uncomfortable conversation.

The problem is that the mind is remarkably poor at processing negatives. When we tell ourselves not to think about something, we immediately think about it. When we focus on avoiding an outcome, that outcome often becomes the center of our attention.

Athletes know this instinctively. A skier who focuses on the tree is more likely to hit the tree. A cyclist who stares at the obstacle often drifts toward it. A baseball pitcher who focuses on where he wants the ball to land is more likely to hit a perfect strike. A tennis player focused on a line bordering the service box is more likely to serve an ace.

The same principle applies outside of sports.

Where attention goes, energy follows.

Instead of focusing on not being rejected, focus on building meaningful relationships. Instead of obsessing over not failing, focus on doing excellent work. Instead of concentrating on avoiding discomfort, focus on becoming the kind of person who can handle discomfort when it arrives.

The distinction sounds small, but it changes everything.

One mindset is rooted in fear. The other is rooted in purpose.

Life has a way of delivering enough obstacles without our help. We don't need to spend our days mentally inviting them into the room.

When I catch myself thinking about what I hope doesn't happen, I try to ask a different question:

What do I want instead? The answer to that question is usually far more useful.